#081: I Just Couldn't Find My Voice! with Lou Featherstone

Lou Featherstone
"In the RV parks in America around 5.30 - 6 o'clock, just as the sun's sort of coming down a bit,  everybody makes a drink or a cocktail in their carry cup, gets the dog and everybody has a walk around the RV park, sort of like how it rolls. And it's really fun. Everybody sort of stops to say hi and all looks at each other's buses. And of course, everyone's like, what you doing? What you doing with this? So I go, well, I've left my husband and I'm on a mission around America to empower women, step out of their comfort zone, try new things and really find their confidence in middle age. And without exception, all the wives like, high five me and go, oh, my God, that's so exciting. And the husbands are like, all right, move away. Step away from her. Don't get any ideas."

Sue Revell 
Hi there. Welcome back to the Women on a Mission show and our first interview of season six. I hope that you've had a great week. It's been a very busy one here, as it always is at the beginning of a new season, settling everyone into interview slots and immersing myself in amazing conversations, as well as really focusing in on what I want to achieve in my coaching practice this year. Exciting times for sure. If you've already listened to episode 80, where I ran through the guest list for this season, you'll know we have a real treat in store. This would be a great moment for you to hit the follow button wherever you are listening, so that each episode arrives automatically on your listening list. 

Now, let me briefly introduce you to our next woman on a mission. As always, her full bio will be in the show notes at womenonamission.club.  Lou Featherstone is a midlife menopausal mindset shifter, an accidental middle age influencer and a vibratory advocate and positivity rebel. She's also the CEO of the Zero F*cks club. Lou is dedicated to empowering women to step outside their comfort zone and try new things and find their confidence in middle age. Let's hear what Lou had to say about her mission. 

Sue Revell
I first met today's guest many years ago when we were both students on a videography programme with Mi Elfverson of the Vlog Academy. Needless to say, if you follow us both on Instagram, you'll quickly see who had the more natural, creative talent! The more I watch her in action, the more I learn about being brave, bold and fearless. And I'm really looking forward to finding out more about the woman behind the mission today. And there's no pun intended, if you happen to have seen her Instagram story from yesterday! Lou Featherstone, welcome to the Women on a Mission show!

Lou Featherstone 
Thank you for having me, darling. It's lovely to be here.

Sue Revell
So lovely to see you. I wish the listeners could see what I see. Lou's in the most gorgeous denim shirt and bright orange trousers. That's just the sort of orange I'd love to have in my wardrobe. The most amazing specs. Absolutely fabulous. What's on your mug there? Eat cake for breakfast. That's definitely my kind of mission.

Lou Featherstone
I'm feeling all smug as I've been to the gym this morning, so I'm all like, I love myself.

Sue Revell 
Gosh, we're recording at 9, oh no 10 o'clock in the morning. I guess that's not quite so outrageous! Lou, over time, the interview episodes have really found their rhythm in, I'd say, three parts, actually, these days. There's the story of your mission and why it's important to you. There's where it all began and what it involves. And then we delve a little bit deeper to find out more about the woman behind the mission and who you're becoming as you take your mission forward. So let's start with what your mission is. If you had to tell us in two or three sentences, how would you describe it?

Lou Featherstone
Okay, I'm going to try really hard to do in two or three sentences, but I tend to ramble off. We need a safe word! You have to give me a signal. Well, I describe myself as an accidental middle aged influencer, dedicated to empowering women to step out of their comfort zone, try new things, embrace their middle age, f*ck the menopause and run naked through the fields screaming.

Sue Revell 
And not just the fields, from what I've seen, Lou!

Lou Featherstone 
No, not just the fields. I'll just take my clothes off and streak around. Honestly, it's a thing. My poor son.

Sue Revell
I love it. And there is evidence everywhere you can find Lou of exactly how she brings her mission to life. So if you're not following her already, and I know we'll come to this at the end, but I absolutely recommend you follow her on Instagram for a daily dose of laughter, amusement and inspiration. Lou, where did your mission all begin?

Lou Featherstone 
Oh, my God. Well, funnily enough, right when we met. Yes, I think in earnest, it began right before we met. So, the week before I did the course with you and Mi, I went to a women's group. I was living in Portland. I'd emigrated out to Portland with my husband and my son, and we were living in Portland and Oregon, and I joined a women's group called Pom Pom Social. It was super fun. We met once a month and there was a panel of speakers. It was really empowering and the topics went all over the shop. And this week, particular week, there was a woman called Tammy Kent who calls herself the Vagina Whisperer. And that's her Ted Talk. She's also written many books about the power of the vagina and believing that as women.... I never do this justice but in short, as women, our power and our trauma and our stress is all stored in our vaginas and in our wombs. And that's where we hold all our power, but also where we hold all our pain and our stress and our shame. And she basically helps you find those things through vagina therapy. It's about $1,000 and she fingers you to release it all, literally. 

But she was coming to do a talk at the women's group and it was more of a meditation, so I really didn't want to go along. It was a bit woo-woo for me at the time. I wasn't really as open as I am now, and I've learned through this, so I went along anyway. My friend wanted a lift, so I took her along and we're meditating to our vaginas. And I sort of had one eye open and I was looking around the room and I was like, oh is someone filming this? This is like, this is hilarious. And I was like, Come on Lou, you're always telling everyone you're all over the internet, telling everyone to try new things, give it a go. So I closed my eyes and I cannot tell you to this day what she said to us, but she took us through a guided meditation. And when I left, I felt different. Something had shifted in me and I don't know what it was, but it felt different. 

And when I got home, I went to bed and woke up in the morning and my husband and son were like, what's up with you, Mum? And I was like, I don't know, but me and my vagina feel very powerful and we're going to do something. And Oscar, my son, was watching YouTube at the time.  So he showed me some stupid things on YouTube, and I've never paid YouTube much mind. And I said, well, maybe I'll start a YouTube channel. And he said, oh, my God, no one will watch it. What would you even call it? 

I went, I don't know. Maybe I'll call it margaritas, midlife and the menopause. He went, oh, my God, you're so embarrassing. It would be awful. He goes off to school and I was googling. I got lost in YouTube looking at random people and things and like, people doing a lot of things. I can be really fun on it. I can do some really fun things on YouTube. So I texted Mi, who's an old friend of mine. Our kids went to school together. We did loads of stuff at the PTA when I lived in Brighton together, and we were really good friends. And I texted her and I said, I want to set up a YouTube channel to annoy Oscar. What app do I need? And she said, I've got a course starting on Monday for women who want to become more visible online.

Sue Revell
Oh she's the eminent saleswoman, isn't she? Never mind an app. Buy my course!

Lou Featherstone
Buy my course. You know what, it was starting the following Monday. This is like the Wednesday. So I went, okay. She sent a workbook before the course. You had to complete it was all about vlogging for your business to promote your business. And at the time, I was doing pop-up British tea parties, and I was like, I don't want to vlog about tea parties. I want to vlog about fashion. And, like, I love my style. There's got to be a way of getting free clothes. So that's why I did it. So in that weekend with Mi's workbook, I wrote myself an entire business plan around a personal styling business where I'd come to your house, but I wanted to make it more sustainable. So I came up with this whole idea. I'd come to your house, I'd help you restyle what you already owned, and instead of buying more new shit, I'd take people vintage shopping.  I trained people how to vintage shop because people get quite overwhelmed in the charity shops and vintage shops. 

So I came up with this whole business plan, and while I was doing that that weekend, I came up with an idea to do vintage shopping tours of Portland. And airbnb were doing experiences. So I quickly wrote to airbnb and said, look, I could pick guests up, take them round, show them a new way to style their clothes, get them to step out their comfort zone and try some new things. And airbnb came back to me within two days. I started the course on the Monday and I had my first airbnb client on the Friday of that week of that course, and it was stemmed from the power that I felt coming out of that Vagina workshop. And then I did the course with Mi. 

And I don't know if you remember, there's an amazing section where you talk about what stops you talking. And I couldn't.  I was quite happily running around in my nickers, changing my clothes. But I wouldn't speak. I just couldn't speak. And I couldn't find my voice. And we tried to do all the work on the block. I couldn't stand my teeth and I couldn't stand the way I looked. I loved the course. And then I finished the course and I got really busy with all the tours. The tours took off, I had people coming from all around the world. I'd take them vintage shopping, and then all the vintage shop owners were saving me the best stuff. So I got loads of wicked clothes and I got to know all these people and expanded my community. 

And all these people from all around the world were so wild. They would come and women, I would send them a little note before they came and I would say, how would you describe your style? What are you looking to do? Anything else you want to tell me? Anything else you want to tell me? Was always, my tits are too big, my bum is too small, I'm too short, I can only wear green, pink doesn't suit me. And it was always a list of excuses from women, why they couldn't do something, why they couldn't wear a colour, or why they can't wear spots. And it blew my mind and everybody came with these apologies, oh, my God, my bra is really tacky and oh, but I just loved it because I was like, shut up, get the yellow jumpsuit on, try the sequins on. And I just loved the energy that and all these amazing people that I met who were some of them were bonkers mad.

I had a few couples come, I'd loads of men come too, which was super fun, and made them all go home with something absolutely ace. And then I still stay in touch by a lot of them. Whenever they wear the things that we bought together, they message me. But I started to spend so much money. Every time they were buying things, I was buying ten and I was in the changing room next to them, not really helping them at all, I was just dressing up myself. So my clothes started to get out of control and Instagram was still growing, but I still hadn't really found my voice. 

And then Lockdown came. I launched Rent My Wardrobe, so I started renting out the clothes, all these clothes, and women would come to my wardrobe and I'd style them up. They were looking for an outfit for a wedding, so they'd come, I'd pour a glass of wine, put some tunes on, we'd have a little dance about, they'd try on all the outfits and then they'd rent something and go off and I loved it, it was so much fun. And then that was making me a bit of money. And Instagram was still growing, but I wasn't really still doing lots of styling stuff and then COVID hit and Lockdown came and so, of course, closed rentals, no one was renting any clothes!

Sue Revell 
No-one was going anywhere!

Lou Featherstone 
My little fledgling business was like..... From day one. I was like, I'm going to cheer everybody up on the internet, that's what I'll do. And I just set about cheering everybody up and just making reels and I started to do a little bit of talking and actually, when I started to talk, I noticed that what women wanted to talk about, what people were being drawn to, was my confidence. And then my confidence started to grow. And then I found my voice that I started rather than just talking about the clothes, which is a huge part of what I do and does give me a confidence, I started to find that as I found my confidence, I found my voice. And now I don't shut up. My reels go on for hours.

Sue Revell 
I am laughing because there is absolute self awareness in that!

Lou Featherstone 
I literally can't shut up. I literally can't shut up. See? Was it two or three sentences you wanted to answer?

Sue Revell 
Luckily, that was the first question, not this one. We're all good.

Lou Featherstone 
So that's how it started. And then Instagram really started to grow and I found my voice. And then I sort of started doing work with small brands and doing little collaborations to make money. I brought out some sweatshirts and then I was doing some live coaching on the side. And then I do some work with brands, some paid work, which I don't particularly massively enjoy. And it always sort of like I find it really difficult because that's not what I'm about, but I've got to pay the bills, so that rule is a bit tricky. And I started to write an online Positivity course, trying to encourage women to shift their mindset a little bit about how you look at things. And I was just about to launch that and then Lockdown kind of ended and it was like, no one wants to do an online course ever again. 

And then through that period as well, I'd separated from my husband after 20 years, so that had been incredibly difficult through Lockdown, and it was particularly difficult because obviously this is the hardest, saddest thing that's ever happened to me in my life.  But at the same time, my career was growing and my confidence was growing and it was really confusing and excruciatingly painful. But Instagram gave me focus every day to keep going. And everyone's like you're so inspirational. You got us through Lockdown and I'm like, I was just barely trying to get myself through Lockdown. It was so helpful because I inspire you to inspire me. It's not a one way street. Every DM I get inspires me. It's funny because things have obviously grown over the last couple of years and things are really going quite well for brands and I've got events coming up and big appearances. I've been offered my own podcast. Things have just gone absolutely crazy for me. I've got my big old RV coming over. 

Sue Revell 
I was just going to say are going to talk about Susie (the RV) at some point?!

Lou Featherstone
We're gotta to talk about Susie, because that is the main mission. That was last year's mad mission. So... separated from my husband, stayed in the house for another couple of years in separate bedrooms, and I'd love to say that was a selfless choice to try and ease the burden for our son, but it wasn't - we just couldn't afford two places.  I'm grateful for that time, as brutal and awful as it was for both of us, because I think it forced us into building a new relationship. And that was quite a mission for a long time, just to find this new relationship with him, who I love terribly. It's not like anything dreadful happened, we both love each other. We just completely lost each other along the way. 

And anyway, so Oscars coming up to graduation from high school. And I'm like, what am I going to do? There's no work for me in Portland. I love it dearly. Love the people, love the place, nature. I mean, there's nothing nowhere else like it in the world. And I've been absolutely blessed to have lived there and have that opportunity to live in a different culture. But we're so different and there's certain things that just didn't sit right in my soul. The health insurance, women's rights, the guns, the violence, the racism. It's all a lot to live with. The disparity between people who have and people who have not are so massive. I'm in the camp that have, and it just feels wrong all the time. And my mom died and time's short with my dad and my nephew's growing. So I was like, you know what? I just felt like I need to come home and just re-group. 

And so one day when I was walking along, I went out for a hike and I was driving along and on the side of the road I saw an old greyhound bus. You know the old ones like you see on the movies that they all go across country and someone had done it up like an RV, like a camper van, and they renovated it all inside.  We screeched to a halt and we jumped out. We ran round it and was like, oh, my God, this is so cool. And at the time was still living with my ex husband. And I was like, oh, my God, I can buy it and live in it. Finally I can get out of the house. I went home obsessed with the idea of the bus. I was like, think of all the things I could do. All these women that direct message me, I could go out and find them. Let's go and meet people. People don't want to do an online course. They want connection. After COVID, we all want different. We've all looked at our lives, what is important, and hopefully we've been able to find different ways of living. I just want to go out and connect people with each other because so many women find it hard to connect to each other. 

I get so many direct messages. And initially, when it started, I'd find it quite sad that people would reach out to someone they've not met. And then I see it as an incredible privilege that people do, and that I connect with people so much that they do send me these messages. But it also highlights how hard it is that these women, if they're talking to me, I want them to connect to other women.  I was like I'm going to buy the bus and I'm going to drive around America and I'm going to throw events as I go, and I'm going to connect women in their local area at the event; they'll find each other, and then I'll roll off. And so, that bus was not the right bus for me. The next week I spent the week really figuring out some kind of business plan. If I got this bus, how can I make money out of it? 

And I was chatting to a friend and she said, I've got some friends down in Arizona and they're renting land to a man who's doing up some buses. I think it's pretty cool. Do you want the number? I went, yeah, sure. So I texted this guy and he sent me the pictures, and it was Susie. She's a 35 foot Bluebird Wander Lodge and she's made by the people who made the school buses, but she's not a conversion. They made 4000 motorhomes and I've got one of them. So she's like, mad Americana history. And he's done up the inside. Well, if you saw it and you see me, people don't believe that he didn't do it for me.

It's like palm trees and green tide print and disco floor. Disco chequer floorboards. It's like neon pink tape - it's madness. It's so good. I was like, that's my bus. This is my Instagram. This is what I want to do with a bus. I want to drive around America and encourage women to to f*cking live their lives. So I went, I haven't got the money. So he went, I'll give you a month. So I went, okay, right, give me a month. Put the phone down, what am I going to do? It was $32,000. And I rang some friends who run something called the Do Lectures, which is just amazing. You have to look up the Do Lectures. Amazing couple and team in Wales. They run an incredible weekend with lectures. So inspirational, they have a podcast, check them out.

Sue Revell 
Great things come out of Wales listeners. I'm just up the road in Cardiff.

Lou Featherstone 
There you go.

Sue Revell
The Do Lectures will be well known to Welsh listeners, for sure.

Lou Featherstone 
Love Cardiff. Did my first cocaine in Cardiff, and my first E in Swansea.

Sue Revell 
What memories!

Lou Featherstone 
And my first snog and cheeky feel up was in the Mumbles Sailing Competition when I was twelve, and it was a boy called Frankie from New York and he sent me mix-tapes for years. Anyway, so I love Wales. I have many happy memories in Wales. I had my honeymoon in Wales. Five months pregnant, in a little tent in Rhossili. And all my childhood holidays up in the Cwm Bychan Valley, up by Harlech. Yeah, my dad was a scout leader and then we had all our church youth club camps up there. Oh, my God, I slept so many boys in the Cwm Bychan Valley. But anyway, that's another podcast.

Sue Revell 
I think it probably is, part two.

Lou Featherstone
So I called these friends from Wales and went, I've got this idea. What do you think? And they went, crowdfund it. Sell seats on the bus. And I went, brilliant. Put the phone down, came up with this little document, got my friend, who's a designer, to mock me up a sort of like, mission. This is the mission. This is what I want. I'm going to sell seats on the bus, proverbial seats for $1,000. And so I sent it to brands I'd worked with, friends, supporters, and let me tell you, this is the difference between Britain and America, right? So in Britain, you could go I wanna buy a bus that's going to break down every five minutes and drive it round the country. People in the pub would go, wow. I mean, the price of fuel, I could tell you ten reasons why you shouldn't do that. In America they're like, f*ck, yeah, we believe in you. Here's $1,000, here's another thousand dollars. In fact, we believe in what you want to do, here's $32,000. And I crowdfunded the bus. Yeah, some people bought half a bus and it was the most incredible feeling to do that. 

I bought the bus and then I bought a one way ticket to Arizona and I flew down to pick her up and I got off the bus. Oh God, I'm gonna cry.  I got in an Uber and I got to the field and I just took one look at her and just sank to my knees. I was so scared. Oh, I've never been scared in my life. I just was like, what have I done? I've left my husband. I have bought a f*cking huge bus I don't know how to drive. I am like, what have I done? What am I doing? Anyway, he took me out for a little test drive. It was just horrific. It was horrific. Then we get back to the camp site which was in his back garden. And I said, right, I'm going to stay here tonight. And then I think what I'll do is, stay around for the next two or three days, and you can take me out for test drive each day. And he said, I think it's probably a good idea.  So I was like, okay, fine. Off he goes. Anyway, I ordered a take out and settled down for my first night in Suzie, and I hadn't even called her Suzie at that point. And I made a video for Instagram and I hadn't told anybody I was doing it. Obviously all my investors knew that I was doing it. I cried. And then I just went, I've done a thing... I've bought a bloody bus! I don't know how to take her out on the road but I really believe in what I'm doing.  What have I done?! I cried, and then I did the worst tour of the bus. Anyway, I went to sleep absolutely just sobbing. 

When I woke up in the morning, there was just hundreds of messages from people and direct messages and text and emails just going, hell yeah, do it. Go for it. We believe in you. Oh my God. That's my dream. So many people. That's my absolute dream. That's my absolute dream. And I felt really bad. I always dream of adventures, but it never been like, I want to do that specific thing. I'd seen the bus and just literally it was just wild, the way it all happened. But I just keep taking step by step by step. So anyway, the guy came back to give me another test drive on the second day. And I went, I'm going. And he was like, what do you mean? And I'm just going to go. I'm a badass. I can do it. I'm literally so empowered by everybody's messages and belief in me and my sponsors. I was just going to do this. I'm going to learn on the way. Bless him, he didn't really know the bus very well. He'd done up the inside brilliantly, but he didn't know half of the things on the bus. But luckily, I had the number of the guy that owned her before that. And he is Dennis. He Facetimes me under the bus. He teaches me everything. He's met me on the side of the road when I've been in trouble. Like, man, I love the man. He's like, I couldn't do anything without Dennis. So I drove it all the way back to Portland and then I set about getting sponsors for the tour. So I'm like, right now, how am I going to pay for the tour. Next step, I literally hadn't got that. I hadn't got that far. 

So I started to approach sponsors and again, I did a little document for everybody and said, this is what I can offer you. Obviously I can do give you coverage and you could have your brand on the bus and all the events I'm going to throw, you can have your products there. And I'll do you this much coverage on the way. And I approached small brands, things that I really believe in. So the women of a gin distilling company. Because I don't like selling anything, I don't sell anything that I don't use or I don't like. I can't do it. That's not what I'm about. But also, this is a great opportunity for them and I would love to represent your brand. So I teamed up with Periods.org who are a Period Poverty charity to raise awareness of them. They gave me a shit tonne of products and stuff to hand out. And I talked about period poverty always. So that was great, raising awareness to them. And then there was a vagina wellness brand called Love Mommatero, an incredibly supportive, fun factory, a vibrator brand. So they gave me, like, hundreds of vibrators to give out as I went. 

One of my biggest visions was that I wanted to drive through the Bible Belt throwing vibrators out the window. Because my journey back to being sexy again in midlife has been a huge part of my Instagram and my message, because it's just I let so much of me go and so much of me on the sideburner to take care of everybody else. I completely lost any feeling of sexiness whatsoever, which I really didn't anticipate re-discovering in middle age!  It's brilliant, I feel so sexy and it's the first time it's all about me. It's always been about other people or the other person I was sleeping with. And so I've re-discovered this whole side of myself, it just makes me feel so good about myself and I'm like, why doesn't everybody do it? And then by talking about it, I've met so many women, so many women living in shame and so many women living in pain and sadness and women who have such bad relationships with their body, and it blows my mind. 

So that's a huge part of my mission, trying to encourage women just to love themselves sexually in their bodies. It's a judgement free zone. You do what you've got to do. If you want to go get your tits done, go get your tits done. It's about finding your confidence. So I raised the money for the tour and then on the 21 June, I'm going to cry again, I set off from Portland, which was so brutal, because normally, I mean, we'd separated two years previously, but normally when you leave your husband or a marriage flips up, there's some kind of, like, argument, you pack a bag and someone buggers off. Whereas this was... we had it on the calendar that I was leaving on the 21 June. So the countdown, I need to get excited because I'm so scared. I'm really terrified. There's so much going on. I've got so much guilt. I'm leaving my son behind, I'm terrified and so much to think about. Not just setting off on trip, I was leaving my husband and my home and all my friends and leaving Oscar behind. He's 19 now. He's got his own life to live. And what's the chances that we'd live here, and he'd want to go to college abroad and he'd go abroad.  But because I left, it feels very different. 

And obviously I'm scared sh*tless of driving this damn bus and I've got to say goodbye to my husband once and for all. So that was a very hard day in the mission because obviously I'm getting more and more excited and everybody else is getting sadder and sadder and sadder around me. Everyone's trying to be excited for me, The day I came to leave was really harrowing, saying goodbye to everyone, and I literally just drove away from them all, standing there, waving goodbye. My poor friend came with me. I don't think I could have got out of Portland without her. I was screaming. I screamed all the way downhill and then cried and cried. And that was a funny evening that night. That feeling when we got to the stop that night. I have just blown my whole life up for this. I so believe in what I'm doing and it feels right no matter how painful it was. It just kept feeling right.

Sue Revell 
I remember watching you talk about that. Just that, I guess, real inner conflict of head and heart and it was hard to watch you experience that in many ways, but also something really striking about the certainty of what you were doing at the same time, that inner sense.

Lou Featherstone 
I think, that you have to come back, right. I've always had a nagging.  I've always known that life was always just more about me. I was never going to be in a corporate job. I knew that that was never going to be what I did, but I could never figure out what it was. I was so determined I wanted to go into social work. And so back in the day in Cardiff, I couldn't go to college until I was 21. They wouldn't take you on the social work course in those days till you were 21, they wanted you to come back with some work experience. I mean, sensible, really. When you think about it. You see the social workers, now 21, removing children. You know nothing. Bless you, love you, that you're 21, but you know absolutely nothing about life at 21. Not enough to be a social worker anyway. I digress. So I went to Cardiff for a year and volunteered in the Barnardos Project for young offenders. Oh, my God, they were young offenders. Anyway, I discovered I'm really good with teenage mums and that was wicked. I had a great year in Cardiff, time of my life. And then I left, went to Berlin for a year and I worked as a youth worker for the British Forces kids that worked out and based out in Berlin. That was wild. Then I came back from that and went to,  I was a Club 18 to 30 Rep and run kids clubs. And then I came back to London and got into advertising and the creative world, which I loved. 

That's where I met my husband. Then we moved down to Brighton and I did go into social work, was in social work for many years after I had Oscar. I was a community family worker. So I'd go into family homes where kids were about to be removed and put into care. I'd go in and do parenting skills and supervise contact and supervising stuff. So it was an amazing job. It was an amazing job. I absolutely loved it. And then we moved to America and I re-invented myself again. So I'm quite an expert at the changing scene.  I gave up shopping for a year when I was 41, so eleven years ago. And at the end of that year, it was to get my spending under control at the time. And at the end of the year, I was so f*cking proud of myself. It was the first time I remember being proud of myself, and it gave me such a confidence, and I was like, God, if I could do that, what else could I do? I know I could be brilliant at it as well, but then it's taken me so long to finally find out what that is, and now there's no stopping me!

Sue Revell 
You're absolutely right. So you eventually got on the road, you'd recovered from that night...

Lou Featherstone
Yeah, it was wild. I went down through all through Oregon and then a bit of California, Idaho, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and I got to Arizona and I parked the bus, and I flew and did the Do Lectures, and I spoke at the Do Lectures and did a talk there, and that was a life changer. I met so many incredible people there who have changed my life in million gazillion different ways. And that was a very interesting part of my journey, actually. So the talk, I do a talk, I talk about my journey quite a lot, particularly re-finding my sexual juice, if you like. But I always talk to women's groups. My audience is primarily women and lots of vagina owners on Instagram, there are some penis owners around. But when I got up to do my Do Lecture, I love how you do it in the cow shed, you stand at this big tree lecturn. It's quite iconic, the Do Lectures in the cow shed. I look out and I'm like, oh, sh*t half of them are men. And they'd asked me, actually, to do a different talk. So they're like, don't do the talk you always do, do something different. 

So my talk was about vulnerability and sharing my life online and what that's like and what that brings me, and the journey. And I wrapped that up with the journey but how, scary as it is, putting things out there online and trying to be yourself, and sometimes it's hurtful and it can be hard, but mostly I find opening my heart brings me and trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone is where the magic happens. I've learned through the road trip that fear and excitement are pretty much the same thing. But I have also learned that when I get scared about something, I feel really nervous and hesitant. I get super excited because I know something good is coming. If I'm going through something really hard, I'm now like, oh, yeah, okay. All right. Ride it out. Ride it out. Just keep swimming, swimming, just keep swimming. You bob up, but that's life, right. Go down, come up. We go down and come up. And you just got to keep going. And I think I'm quite good at keep going. And so I think a lot of people are like, cor blimey, you do a lot? And I'm like, yeah, but I don't know. People certainly, I think, enjoy the energy. A lot of people are always, love the energy that you give me energy, which I just find that hilarious cos I"m just me. And then other people are like, you definitely got ADHD. And I'm like, I don't think it's actually your job to diagnose me with anything.

Sue Revell 
Do you need the label, anyway?

Lou Featherstone 
I'm bombing along just fine, whatever it is. And the other thing I think a lot of people say is, you give me permission, like LuinLuLand is so many things because it's not a one size fits all. Lots of people give you tools for this, and I do give you tools, but it's just the secret to, I don't know, living more positively, I think is just in such tiny things. It's such small things.  I was with a friend a couple of weekends ago, and her and her husband are going through a really sh*tty spot, and she's like, oh, I'm just waiting. Let's wait and see how many times he says, shall we? And I was like, dude, you got to stop doing that. You got to stop,like, you're waiting. You're looking for that. How about if you start looking for the good things, you might see more good things instead of just waiting for him to say the sh*tty things. So she went, oh, good idea. And I went, in a day write down the good things he does, all the good things that happen in a day. And then try focusing on those. I said, I think that's what I've got from Instagram, because I shoot things and people go, oh, my God, I love it, I love it, I love it. And then I looked for more things so I can share them. And so then you're actively looking for the good if you're actively looking for the positive or the good stuff, that stuff still happens. But if you really focus in on this, you can handle this better. You can handle the sh*tty stuff better. Does that makes sense?  I'm doing a lot of waving of hands that no one can see in their ears! 

Sue Revell 
I really like that because I guess it's easy for me, as one of your followers on Instagram, to almost assume that you can film virtually anything and just be in sharing mode, oversharing mode, whatever it might be. And that sense that it has helped you to purposely look for that next good thing, to share that next good thing, that next moment of power, of impact, of goodness, of joy, of fun, of hilarity, of downright outrageousness, whatever it might have been is the bit that keeps everybody coming back and looking for their thing too, isn't it? And I get that. That gives permission. Absolutely, yeah.

Lou Featherstone 
And I think when I set off of the tour, I had a big vision. I produced all these permission slips because I wanted to, at all the events, give women a permission slip and just say, write yourself, write yourself, what would you give permission? And that is a glimpse into a woman's soul. What is the thing that she really would like? And some of those, I mean, it could be getting out of bed, it could be staying in bed for the day. It doesn't have to be jump on a bus and drive around America. But if I'm out there showing people what is possible, if it's running through a field in my knickers in January and stuff, or like countryside or more. I had much better scenery in Portland. The Instagram feed has taken a little denting because I could be on a volcano in a swimsuit in 25 minutes. It's not the same!  Last week with Morley's Chicken, I was in Morley's Chicken in a bikini. It's not quite the same. Cos isn't this funny. So I'm like, oh, God, I don't know, I just can't do it. And I'm fine about it, but it's just disappointing because it was very easy in Oregon. And I also had my best friend, photographer and biggest cheerleader, the Duchess, who would pop up at a minute's notice. In fact, she'd call me and go the light is amazing. Let's go. Grab something. Let's do something. And I don't have that now.

Sue Revell 
Oh, I love that.

Lou Featherstone 
I don't have that now. So I'm having to sort of like, re-jig myself a bit.

Sue Revell
I have to say, one of my favourites... I've just got to share this with listeners. One of my favourites since your return to the UK is you being on the London Underground, travelling down the escalator in two towels, one on your hair and and one on your body. And there's just this, listeners if you can imagine that there's this, then group of typical londoners queued behind Lou on the escalator, all travelling downwards, and it takes about, I think it's about the fifth person behind you who actually takes any notice of you, which is just amazing. And then you get on the Tube and everybody just carries on reading their papers and it's just the most... I must have watched that half a dozen times, absolutely crying with laughter. And in the end, I'd stopped watching you. I was just desperate to see somebody react to what was going on.

Lou Featherstone 
Do you know who always reacts best to me, is children. Kids love me. They don't know what to do. They stare at me. This is just when I'm out and normal, especially on the Tube.  They start at my feet and then they work all the way up and then you can't see, obviously, listeners, but I've got like, huge cherry Diamante bedazzlements on my nails like there's literally every part of me is something.  Kids just don't know what to do with me. If I'm in my pink gown, for example, I have a pink feathery transparent gown that I take up mountains that I tend to put on at the top of mountains and take pictures. Or sometimes if I'm out filming it in that I've had little girls stop and go, oh are you a princess?  And I'm like, Yes, I am. A real life one and they just go along with it. One little girl said to me one day, will you meet me here again tomorrow at this time? And I actually, I actually went and stood there just in case she came back, cos I was so worried but she didn't. I was like, what if she came back and I wasn't there. That woudl be awful. So I was like, good God. So the next day I put the gown on again and me tiara and I go tootling down and standing there with my gown just waiting for a little child, to randomly come. It was funny. 

Sue Revell 
You made your energetic contract with the Universe that day. I love that. Lou, bring us up to date before we talk about you. Where's your mission now?

Lou Featherstone 
Well, I finished the tour in America, which is absolutely mind blowing. I did the events, I had visions of, you know, my my vision board was filling Madison Square Gardens and being the new Glennon Doyle. Filling the world with my wisdom. My middle age menopause horny midnight woman sexiness. I didn't quite manage Madison Square Garden, but....

Sue Revell 
There's still time!

Lou Featherstone 
I did speak at a sex exhibition, which was absolutely bloody brilliant. I was sandwiched in the running order. I think there was a spanking workshop and then there was me and then a dirty talking workshop. It was brilliant. It was such an eye opening day!

Sue Revell 
I can only imagine.

Lou Featherstone 
I know, but you know what? It was just a bunch of horny people who wanted to have a really good time. And it was so liberating to be with all these people. Like hell yeah. No one's doing any harm, no one's hurting anyone. Everyone's just here having a good time. It was so fun. Anyway, so then I had to leave Susie. The plan had always been to bring Susie back to the States. I mean, I would still be driving now if I could afforded it. I'd just keep driving.  Because while I did the event, it was more the women that I met on the way, the one woman in the campsite, the one woman that came to my door. And now things are really exciting for me right now, business wise. I've got lots coming up and going on and people keep saying, what's going on? What's your goal? What's your goal? I remember someone saying to me, when you get to the end of the tour, what would you consider a success? How would you qualify as a success? And I don't know. 

And it was literally every day, it was one woman at a time, knocking on my door. The woman in Arkansas who's dying, living in her RV with no health insurance, dying alone, who knows no one and who has not been taken care of. And the woman who is being clearly domestically abused. Often I had a woman who had been beaten up by her husband came knocking on the door. She stayed with me for three nights so we could get her into a shelter. I mean, those things I didn't put on Instagram because I didn't want to. I couldn't. It was not my place, to. And so I came home with this whole other tour and experiences that happened that will stay with me forever. The racist lesbian in New Mexico, they were a highlight. The anti abortionists in Las Vegas. I mean, it was fascinating. And even the people, the people I dreaded meeting, the people I was scared were going to completely reject me and my message and what I stood for, actually embraced me, listened to me. 

I had so many amazing conversations. I definitely made some people think about things slightly differently. Oh, you'll enjoy this. This is the ultimate mission bus, right? So the bus is now wrapped. Imagine this, I'm in Tennessee and the bus is wrapped in, like, neon pink and green leopard print. I mean, I'm a scene. I'm a scene. As I roll into the RV park, everyone's curtains are twitching and they're all wondering what I'm up to. Everybody googles me, of course. My website is on there, so they're all having a look at me and that's what brings women to the door. They look at Instagram and they come knocking over and want to have a little drink. "And my boyfriend did this to me and I didn't feel quite right. What do you think?" It was amazing. As amazing as all the events were and all of those things, those were the moments, for me, that were absolutely magic and you never knew who you were going to park next to. So I had some amazing, incredible neighbours. In Tennessee, next to me came, she worked for the circus as a sideshow. She swallows swords and she spins on a big thing and someone throws daggers at her. She's like full, like, old school circus. She was so cool. She took me to the Wall of Death. We went to a Harley Davidson rally. It was vile. Yeah. So now I finished in October, I left the bus in New York, she's in storage in New Jersey, costing me an absolute arm and a leg. And I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for a spot on a ship. But there's a great deal of cargo and congestion everywhere.

Sue Revell 
So you are bringing Susie to the UK.

Lou Featherstone 
And this week I had a call to say there's a spot on a ship in March. So I've got to fly out to New York and move her to Baltimore. I've got to drive her out. I've got to get her started, Sue. I'm going to get her started. She's not even going to start.

Sue Revell 
Five months. Wow. Yeah.

Lou Featherstone
She is so unhappy. Every now and again I think, imagine if she just turned off. She won't, but I just like to imagine. And then I drive her to Baltimore and then she ends up in Liverpool two weeks later. It takes two weeks. I thought it would be months!

Sue Revell 
Gosh.

Lou Featherstone 
Yeah. So then I have to go and drive her from Liverpool. And so I am absolutely terrified, but also very excited.

Sue Revell
I can't wait to see her travelling in the UK. That's brilliant!

Lou Featherstone
The plan is to take her to festivals and have, like, little LuInLuLand Village kind of thing, and have inspirational speakers and have some fashion going on somehow, I don't know, I'm sort of figuring it out. I've got to get her here, I have to do things a stage at a time. I'm such a control freak in lots of ways, but this whole journey is, like, loosening me up so much to just roll with it. And Susie, in particular, my God, I just had to simmer down and go at Susie's speed, she breaks down, she doesn't go over 55. I was at her absolute whim and it's so good for me, it's so good for me. And I broke down for a month at one point, three and a half whole weeks waiting for the part, and then it was the wrong part and then the part... didn't even need the part. Oh, my God. Cost me a fortune. Every day, I had to change my plan, so I missed a whole chunk of what I wanted to do, so I just learned to go with it. It's what it is. It is what it is.

Sue Revell
She's a lesson in herself.

Lou Featherstone 
She's a lesson in life, I'd tell you. A grumpy old bird she is sometimes, don't like going up a hill. She's like a middle aged woman, that one.

Sue Revell 
It definitely gets easier to do downhill the older we get, doesn't it? I love that, she's like a middle aged woman.

Lou Featherstone
Oh, my God. Honestly. And you would laugh. I thought, I had this vision of myself, like, cruising along with my big steering wheel, you know, the world going by, drinking a gin and tonic while I drive, and instead of like, I'm trying to hold onto the steering wheel. It was not a relaxing drive, she's not a relaxing drive. So, yeah, I won't go far in her in the UK. There will be selective spots because she doesn't deal with traffic too well.

Sue Revell 
I think people will travel to see Susie.  And you, of course!

Lou Featherstone 
So it'll be a selective tour and then, I don't know. I'll put her in a field and I want to throw events out of her, really. So hopefully maybe buy a little bit of land and have a spot and do stuff on the spot. Yeah, just bring people together. So much more fun. Life's more fun when we're together and meet different, you know, put yourself out of the comfort zone and meet new people. That's what the style is all about as well. I always say if you've got a good outfit on, you're never lonely when you set foot out of the house. I've just started a campaign called I Like Your Outfit, trying to encourage people to tell each other they look nice because in America they do it all the time and they're really good at it and it's lovely. And here people don't say a word. I'm standing on the Tube, going I know I look good. Could someone possibly just acknowledge this and just say, I like your outfit, it's such a nice thing. And I do it to people when they look good because I appreciate the style. And so I'm trying to encourage people to do that because it's just really nice and it starts conversations and you meet people, it's just nice. Doesn't cost any money.

Sue Revell 
No.

Lou Featherstone 
Make someone's day. It's nice to say it, it's nice to hear it. Everyone wins, particularly in London going back to your thing about the video! Everyone just not looking.

Sue Revell 
Honestly, has to be one of the funniest things I've watched of yours. Just not for you, but for everybody else.

Lou Featherstone 
Just everybody else completely oblivious.

Sue Revell
And I guess only if you follow you, would you know it wasn't staged. If somebody showed you that, you would just assume that was a whole crew.

Lou Featherstone 
These are all my extras.

Sue Revell
That's exactly what, it's exactly what you kind of want to think, but you know that it ain't the truth. 

Sue Revell 
[COMPETITION TIME:
Today I'm asking for your help. I'm on a mission to stop women playing small so that they can think, dream and be bigger in leading the change they want to see in the world. And I need your help to reach more women.

As a thank you, I'll be giving away a free online coaching session each month during this season. So four lucky listeners will win an hour with me during Season Six.

It's super easy to enter.

Go to the Apple or Goodpods platform and leave a review of this episode telling us how it helped you or why you enjoyed it.

If you take a screenshot and share it on your own socials, you'll get an extra entry for each post. Use the hashtag #womenonamission and remember to tag me in so that we see it.

The winner will be announced on the first episode of the following month, so do keep listening.]

Sue Revell 
Lou, let's talk a bit about you. What had to happen for your mission to begin?

Lou Featherstone 
Oh, God, I don't know. Leave my husband? That one decision to go to the Vagina workshop?  I don't know, it could be anything. Go for that hike and see the bus, go for a hike and someone tell me they know of a bus. I don't know, just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. I mean, switching your mindset to positive so you start looking for these things is a huge game changer, I think. You know, British people are so damn miserable, you know, there's always a reason why you can't do something. The difference between Britain and America is just like it's wil like that. The American dream. They still are inventors and there's lots of that I don't like. But as a female entrepreneur, if I want to be fancy about it, I've found support and encouragement at every turn, from the tea parties to the vintage rentals to the clothes swops. People are really, all the events I've ever thrown. Americans are, like, super supportive and uplifting. They're just, I don't know. I don't know what it is with the Brits. We're a reserved bunch.

Sue Revell 
We definitely have a different energy. We are a reserved bunch.

Lou Featherstone 
Well, we are and we're not. I mean, the Americans don't tease each other either. And that's weird. The British sense of humour is way better. Yeah, it's funny, we're so different.. 

Sue Revell 
But it's quite a contradiction in terms, isn't it, really, that difference in humour.

Lou Featherstone 
Yeah, I think in terms of the mission, middle age, I think, definitely brought confidence. I don't know. Just got to a certain age. I've never given that many f*cks, but I certainly give them even less now. But a lot of women don't find that easy. A lot of women don't find it as easy as I do, or haven't tried it, or are so scared or trapped in, not trapped in a being held hostage kind of way, but you get trapped in your routine, I think, particularly as a parent, the routine and the school and the structure and all of those things. And I was saying to someone only yesterday, as women, particularly, we're designed for change. Our bloody bodies were built to accommodate somebody else, for goodness sake. We've just set up for that business. So when we get to this very last change, and the midlife and the menopause and that sort of finishes, and the kids are (if you've got kids) probably about the time that they're bobbing off to do their own thing and you start looking around to your partner going, is it just you now? You and me. What does that look like?

Sue Revell 
That's a huge difference.

Lou Featherstone
For women, we do this.  This is our speciality, changing. We do it every month, by the way. Our bodies change. Thanks very much.

Sue Revell
Exactly. We're built for it, we're wired for it, we're plumbed for it.

Lou Featherstone
So we seize our golden era. Yeah. So? I don't know. Somebody interviewed me the other day and said, how did you anticipate getting older? I was like, I don't remember. I don't think I gave it a thought. I thought I'd just get old and that would be that, really. I certainly didn't think I'd be starting a whole new career. I can't wait to get going at 52, with absolutely no pension whatsoever. So here we are. And here we are.

Sue Revell
What areas of personal resistance would you say or fears that you've experienced in your mission?

Lou Featherstone 
Just the sheer drive itself. Actual physical fear of the bus. And every time you turn a corner on a freeway, or come around a mountain, I'm like I see another hill coming. And she's hot. It's literally heart in my mouth. But I'm so in that moment, and then I know I'll get up there. So I keep telling myself, you'll get up there. Just keep going. So there's that. 

Motherly guilt. Leaving Oscar behind, if you like, sounds terribly dramatic. You know, he's still with his dad. And actually, do you know what? I had a real moment this week, of thinking how lucky I am because he's 19 and good God, I was working and paying rent when I was 19. He's very white privileged. We moved him to America and he's living at home with his dad. He's snowboarding, he's got a job, he's paying his way. He's having a gap year before going to college in Montana. He's got to live his own life, but it's hard having left him.  Do I feel guilty? I don't know.

I feel good. I feel like it's right and I'm waiting to see him blossom because I genuinely believe he's going to, blossom out a bit. But it's hard. Knowing you've hurt somebody.  

What else? Obviously your own head, every day. Does anybody want to hear this? Have you gone too far this time, Lou? There's days when I just can't think anything. Can't get myself out of bed, let alone motivate anyone else out of bed. But those are the moments that I usually share. And then someone will give me the energy to get out of bed so I can do it again tomorrow and pass it on. And I feel very proud of the community that I built on LuInLuLand, like it feels like a proper community. Lots of people are friends now - comments, chitchat and found each other and I'm a good networker, I love a network. I love people and I love connecting people and making things happen. So that makes me happy.

Sue Revell 
I think there's something really important in what you've just said there, because it would be easy for people to think that your storytelling is all thrills and spills. And actually, one of the things I appreciate you is that I've watched you in tears many times, keeping it really honest, just as you have this morning. Those moments of overwhelming emotion you share too, really openly. And I think it's easy, particularly if you've got any sense of public profile, to think that actually you can't share that or people don't want to see it. And those moments of absolute realness that really inspire and motivate us.

Lou Featherstone 
I see that as the most important part to be honest. And that's nearly....  So I got fired for stealing a bunch of money from work a few years ago when Oscar was very young and I was working for a baby swimming company. And I'm not making it sound like I'm just lining up these excuses but I was in the depths of post natal depression, but I've also been always been a bit light fingered. Used to steal my brother's pocket money and crisps. I don't know, if it's not tied down, I would take it. I've just been a spender all my life and I've always talked about it, and dipped in and out of it, but I've never ever really talked about the fact that I stole money from work. Mostly, it's a horrendous amount of shame and I always am quite good at not mentioning it. I can keep it tucked away, of course. 

And then I did a podcast with Dawn o'Porter and I blurted it out when I was talking to her. And then again, I did another podcast not long after with Dirty Mother Pukka, who's quite a large following. And I said it again and oh my God. I mean, you know what, just get it out there. Just get it out there. It's so important. I have felt like an absolute freak and by myself, I thought I was the only person that was devious and mischievous and dishonest and living with all this shame. It contributed to the end of our marriage in lots of ways and it's been horrendous to live with, this way I live... and the direct messages, wow!  Oh my God, I'm so not alone. There were so many people just like, I was crying my eyes out listening to you. One woman's hidden a whole inheritance from her husband because she's got so many debts. She has secretly inherited a bunch of money, paying off all her debts but she's so burned with guilt. Oh, I'm just like that's so something I would have done. Oh my God. So it's been quite overwhelming, the number of messages I've had. And so as a result, I feel less alone, they feel less alone. Then there's lots of people chip in with advice and some really good resources and so it's been quite the journey with blurting that out. So I was really glad I did it and I'm really grateful and I see the messages as a privilege. 

It's a lot when you share a lot of personal things, you have to be prepared for personal stuff to come back. So I do have to be ready and open for what comes, because I do take it as a responsibility. I've had people call me in floods of tears saying I've left my husband because you told me I should. I was like, that's not exactly what I said!  If you're in an abusive relationship, good. This is one of the funniest things that happened consistently on the mission. So it would either be women knocking at the door, but in the RV parks in America around 5.30 - 6 o'clock, just as the sun's sort of coming down. Everybody makes a drink, or a cocktail, in their carry cup, get the dog and everybody has a walk around the RV park. Sort of like how it rolls. It's really fun. Everyone sort of stops to say hi and all looks at each other's buses. And of course, everyone's like what you doing, what are you doing with this? So I go, well, I've left my husband and I'm on a mission around America to empower women to step out of their comfort zone, try new things and really find their confidence in middle age. And without exception, all the wives like, high five me and go, oh, my God, that's very exciting. And the husbands are like, all right, move away. Step away from her. Don't get any ideas.

Sue Revell 
Move away from the bus.

Lou Featherstone 
Yes. Move away from the crazy British woman. That's nice, but she's not coming around here again. Oh, so funny. Men are terrified.

Sue Revell 
I love that story. It's so easy to imagine. I love it. 

Lou, as you look back now, we've talked about quite a bit of history in today's conversation. As you look back at how far you've come, what would you say is the biggest difference now in how you show up?

Lou Featherstone 
I don't worry about my teeth anymore!

Sue Revell 
Well, that's really cool, given how we met.

Lou Featherstone 
Yeah, I don't worry about my teeth anymore. I'm just enjoying everything. I feel like I've done the right thing, which is an ncredibly powerful feeling. And I like that. Everything feels really good right now and right. So yeah, I'm just going to keep going, I guess. It's different. Yeah. You can't shut me up. Literally. Literally.

Sue Revell 
It would be rude, I feel, to reply, but I love the way you say it.

Lou Featherstone
And I think I have a confidence in what I'm doing. I'm really clear.  It's the same thing as finding my voice. Right, I found my voice, I feel very clear about what I'm doing. I still can't tell you...  it's not like I want 'this', because I don't think when you're on a mission, maybe there isn't necessarily an end goal. Do I measure it with how many followers I have? Yes, a little bit, I suppose. Do I measure it with the one direct message from somebody who says, you changed the way I've thought about this and I've made this change in my life, like the number of people I hear from.

I had a message from someone who listened to me speak. One of the men who listened to me speak at the Do Lectures last year.... I'm going to cry now. He sent me a message and he said, I wanted to let you know that after 18 years of marriage and the tumultuous last year, I found the courage, because of the things you said, to tell my wife I haven't loved her for the last ten years. And that I want us both to be the best people that we can be. And I think to do that, we need to do that alone. And I just wanted to let you know that and say thank you. And I'm like, oh God, is that awful or is that amazing? And I think the end, it's sad, but if I have helped someone find a path towards being better for themselves, I think ultimately that's probably going to be better for their partners in the long run. Somehow, somewhere down the line, I don't know.

So while I'm clear on what I'm doing, I don't know, what is it? I don't know, just keep going. I've been offered a podcast, so that's going to mean I can reach even more women in a different way and do I get to create something fresh and different? So I'm super excited for what that may bring and who it will bring through the door, you know, through doing yours. You get to meet and talk to so many fascinating people. So I'm really excited for that and in loads of ways. I've got two years worth of guests just for the people I've met who I just think are fascinating. I'm not interested in necessarily interviewing mad famous people. I think we're way more interesting and way more inspirational as normal people to each other. It's so funny because I'm like I'm really actually just a tw*t!  No one's realised.  I just can keep going for as long as I can. Loads of impostor syndrome, so I'm trying to keep that down a bit. It's hard. I don't know. Also being confident... it's a quandrary.

Sue Revell 
A little bit of both. I'm hoping you haven't just answered my next question. I was just going to say, who are you now in your mission? And who are you becoming?

Lou Featherstone
I'm so grateful. I don't think that's changed, though. Just was raised like that. And I'm incredibly grateful for that gift that was embedded in us, of kindness and gratitude from particularly our mum and dad. I found it very interesting on the road when I would be challenging people on a different view to me. And I nearly always, I start with I was like, well you know, the anti abortionist. I said to the guy, have you got a sister or a daughter? And he's like, yes. And I'm like, how would you feel if she got raped, would you want her to then have to have the baby, give birth and then give it away? Is that what you would really want? Like, for me, the most basic question. He's like, just never thought about it like that. And I'm like, how do you think that you don't do that? And then the more people I spoke to, that was the resounding thing, that some of them just never thoguht about it. 

Someone was moaning they were tearing down the statues to the slave traders and I went, are you proud of slavery? Well no, but it's our history. And I went, but it's sh*t history. Why would you want a statue to something you're ashamed of? And what would you feel as a person of colour going by that every day? How would that make you feel? I've never thought about it like that. How would you not think about it? And then I  began to realise that because my mum would always like, if I had trouble with someone, my mum would always just say, put yourself in their shoes. What's happening to them? And that's where I started. That's how I learned to problem solve - with my mum going, put yourself stuff in their shoes. And people did not have that or have not met different people who have different ways of thinking and have not got to that point.. And I've always just taken that for granted. But it made me help me understand why people are so, what appears to be, really stupid to me. Just haven't had that access to somebody who encouraged them to think about it from somebody else's point of view.

Sue Revell 
And it's a real skill, isn't it, to be able to interpret a question into a language that they can hear and engage with and think about in a really different way, and to be unapologetic for it. Because that's what I'm also hearing in that style of question, is that it's direct and there's no escaping creating an answer. Sometimes that's a real skill in itself. 

We often talk about the things that we would do differently if we had time over again. What one thing would you be differently?

Lou Featherstone 
Better with money. Of all of the things, I think, yeah. And I probably should have worn a bra more in my youth, because tits are very saggy these days. 

Sue Revell
I thought you were getting them out for a minute there.   

Lou Featherstone 
I nearly did. I had a little feel. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wear a bra.

Sue Revell 
Wear a bra. Be better with money. I love those really practical examples. 

Let's look outwards, Lou, to finish. Who's inspired you in your mission and why?

Lou Featherstone
Oh, my God. Every single person. And me. Somehow. So many people, particularly I found my sponsors for the tour. Now I'm going to cry again. My sponsors and the people who helped crowd the bus. I have changed my life in just their support. All the direct messages and people cheering me along, encouraging me. Yeah, gosh,  I'm very lucky. The women in the sex toy industry are incredible. Or generally in the sex industry. I find it incredibly empowering working with them. Everyone's living literally their best lives and I just love it. And they're so empowered sexually and moving the conversation forward for so many people who live in pain and secrecy in the closet and trying to figure out who they are, which is just pretty much nearly everybody on the planet. And they're just constantly out there fighting. 

And there's so many powerful women that I met along the way who are out there fighting. Amazing woman called Fiona, oh you should interview her for the podcast. She is a British woman, actually lives in a really cool little trailer in Austin, in the park, about two van down from me. And she's just been nominated for an EMMY award for her work in filmmaking in the trans community in the military. She does a lot of work in the trans community. She has written a lot of children's books. And yeah, she was amazing. I met another lady in Tennessee who was a doctor in ADHD. Her and her husband invited me to stay in the house and he worked on my bus for days. They were incredible. I love them. Just so many incredible people in my life. So many incredible people. Yeah.

Sue Revell 
And you may just have answered my next question, which is, who else could you introduce to the show as a guest?

Lou Featherstone 
Yes. Oh, my God. So many people. Go on...

Sue Revell 
And, because this might influence your choice, what one question would you leave for them?

Lou Featherstone 
I would say have Fiona on, who's the filmmaker. I'll send you a link. And you should interview her because she will absolutely blow your mind. Beautiful woman and living her best life in Austin, for sure. And I would ask her how much she misses me since I left, because I know it's lots.

Sue Revell
Obviously, I'll ask her that as well, but I'm not going to let you get away with that....

Lou Featherstone
I would ask her... She is so heavily into manifesting. She really taught me quite a lot about manifesting. And she manifests to the point of her dress that she's going to wear. Ask her what dress she's going to wear for the EMMY when she wins her EMMY for her work with the trans military and let her talk about her manifesting and how she implements that in her life, because it's fascinating and it's really good. And she really did change the way I think about things quite a lot. So I would do that and then she can spread her mission. She's really on a mission.

Sue Revell 
What a fantastic question.  Lou, I feel like this is a redundant question, really, to finish with, given all of our conversation, but how do people get hold of you?

Lou Featherstone 
Well, Instagram. Although at the moment, my messages are so wild, it takes me a good few days to get back to you. There's also my website, so you can email me on there and soon you can listen to me on a podcast. It hasn't even got a name yet.  And you can come see me. There's going to be events, so I don't know when this is going to end, but I'm going to be in the Bull Ring Centre. The Birmingham Bull Ring Centre have booked me for a Self Love Revolution on Valentine's weekend. So the 10th and the 11th February, I'm doing a whole series of events around the shopping centre. The marketing team want to make invisible women feel visible and they've asked me to give them a hand doing it for Valentine's weekend. How amazing is that?

Sue Revell 
That's wonderful.

Lou Featherstone 
How awesome is that. That they have that vision, that's what they want to offer over Valentine's weekend. It blows my mind. So I'm working with the team there. I'm going up tomorrow, actually. I'm jumping on the train to go up to Birmingham. They want me to choose 20 of my self love favourite products, gifts for myself for Valentine's, and I've got to go around the whole shopping centre and buy myself 20 things, which is amazing, because I'm on a non-shopping project. That's so funny! And then on the event itself, we'll talk about all the products and stuff, so that's one of the bits and bobs. But there's going to be a tea party, a cocktail party, me doing talks, there's a panel of speakers, there's going to be loads of styling challenges. TK Maxx has given me a load of gift vouchers, so I'm going to be running styling challenges with TK Maxx. So that's going to be fun and we'll see how that one goes. And if that's good, then I'm going to trot around shopping centres around the country. What is happening right now, Sue?!

Sue Revell 
Oh, my word!  Lou, thank you so much for joining me today. It has been an absolute joy talking to you. I was going to say a revelation, but I kind of knew bits of the story and it's so lovely to hear it in your voice and your energy, and particularly special to hear it in your voice, I think, given how we met and where you were about your voice as you started. I mean, that's a phenomenal journey in a few short years and I'm so excited for what lies ahead for you. And I'll definitely be coming to find you somewhere in the UK, and spend a little time on Susie. Thank you so much, Lou.

Lou Featherstone 
Thanks, darling. Thanks so much.

Sue Revell 
I hope you enjoyed today's conversation. I find Lou's energy and passion and her incredible honesty, truly inspirational. It was particularly special to listen as she shared how she has found her voice, given I remember where she was at, when we first met. I'm now so used to seeing her every day in my Instagram feed that I've completely forgotten there was ever a time where she was worried about showing her teeth and sharing her voice. We talk so often in the personal development world about people's journey. Well, for Lou, there literally has been the most incredible journey and I feel really honoured that I get to share her story with you. We'll be looking at what I noticed as I listened in next week's Insights episode and I do hope you'll come back and join me. Where on earth do I start? And if you've enjoyed our conversation, and especially if you'd like to win that free coaching session this month, remember to head to the Apple or Goodpods platform and tell us what spoke to you this week. As ever, thank you for sharing this incredible podcasting journey with me. I really appreciate you. Have a wonderful week, my friend.